Currently, massive wildfires are blazing throughout OR and into southern WA, filling the Seattle sky with a foggy haze of smoke. Accordingly, making seasonally comparative comments about the weather with any accuracy becomes difficult – especially when I’m relatively in the dark on the actual status of said fires – though if looking skyward offers any valid metric by which to judge, I’d say things are likely still fucked.
Pretending for the sake of this post that I’m writing these words under normal circumstances — and since wildfires have been the OG new normal for roughly a decade anyways — this time of year carries with it a certain mood. There’s a kind of quiet introspection that lacks the weariness which accompanies this emotion, when you’re deep into the winter and stifled by a lack of vitamin D. It’s the feelings-equivalent of moving into Springtime’s laid back cousin, but most importantly: it’s fleeting and something that should be seized upon, should it slip away by the time you’ve even noticed it’s there.
So, I’m going to try and do just that – and hopefully by the time the sun is setting at 4pm each day, I won’t be sitting with the feeling of having wasted another season, in a year that for many of us, has felt like a complete waste to begin with. With a laundry list of areas in need of improvement, one stands distinguished from the rest, feels the most looming, and will act as a barrier to all else, unless nipped in the bud early on. Also, it’s likely to blame for how stagnant this blog has remained since its inception – to say nothing of my life in general.
Diagnosed with clinical depression at the age of 10 and subsequently medicated throughout my adolescence, my first experiences with chemical dependency occured during crucial stages of my development. With my genetics only serving to further offset my brain chemistry, addiction is a disorder which I’ve struggled with to varying degrees for many, many years. Beginning around 2015, this has progressed into something severe enough to impede my daily routines, personal growth, financial and relationship stability, and quality of life at large.
Periodically reminding myself that nothing is fucked and that, with work, situations can and do improve is massively helpful – and essentially, it’s the reason I’m writing this today.